I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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