apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize