Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
