i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
