I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
