If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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