Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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