its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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