She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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