Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
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