Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
