it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
