i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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