Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch