did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.