My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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