He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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