my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
