so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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