I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
