Even water is tasting like jack daniels
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
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After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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