so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
