I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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