I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
