one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
