I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize