so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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