weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
