Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
