we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
