I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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