It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My pussy is not your playground.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
