sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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