I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
