Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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