we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
