I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
