Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
