there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
