just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she pinky promised me she was 18
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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