I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
