never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
