i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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