i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
