The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
