i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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