this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
