Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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