Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
