made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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