We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
