i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
