And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
