I hope mine doesn't look like that
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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