wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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