i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
