Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
