This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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