do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
