OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
