Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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