Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
